Fix Me
by corynzella
Summary: When Shikamaru's daughter finds a living, swearing head in her father's backyard, she doesn't think she will be embarking on a lifelong journey to save a life. But she will, because fate is cruel, and because even the vilest of souls deserves a second chance. Rated M for Hidan. You'll get what I mean.
1. Chapter 1

One-shot (uploaded in parts because this is really quite long) but will be extended if reader response is good :D

**Summary:** When Shikamaru's daughter finds a living, swearing head in her father's backyard, she doesn't think she will be embarking on a lifelong journey to save a life. But she will, because fate is cruel, and because even the vilest of souls deserves a second chance.

Rated for Language, and if I do end up extending this, maybe something else, who knows ;)

* * *

**Fix Me**

_by corynzella_

The Nara compound in Konoha was well-known for its picturesque tranquility. Surrounded by large acres of leafy greenery, the residence was constructed with a taste for nature in mind. A little stream ran through the buildings, its pebbled banks lined with rows of bamboo, providing shade while still letting in a good view of the sky. It served as a perfect spot for a quick game of chess, or - when one was tired from chess - a few hours of relaxed cloud-watching. These days, however, that tranquility was frequently disrupted by the shrill cries of children and servants alike, much to the chagrin of the clan's lazy and peace-loving patriarch.

Shikamaru sat up from his spot beside the stream and sighed. The increasingly louder pit-a-pat of running feet against bamboo floor and the frantic shouts of servants somewhere in the compound told him that something was wrong. Again. Which of his kids would it be this time? Shikadai, or Chiyo? He didn't think he was ever this troublesome as a child, so damn Temari and her troublesome genes for producing these two little demons.

"Hime-sama! Has anyone seen Hime-sama?"

A young woman burst into the open area where Shikamaru sat, hectically scanning around for the child she was searching for. Her gaze fell upon Shikamaru, and she gasped in shock, immediately stopping in her tracks and falling into a deep bow. "Shikamaru-sama! You are home early!"

"Indeed I am, Akari-san," answered Shikamaru. "What happened to Chiyo?"

The girl looked close to tears. "I'm so sorry, Shikamaru-sama! The children wanted to play hide and seek this afternoon so we did, but I haven't been able to find Chiyo-sama for the past hour." She hesitated, her lips trembling, "Please don't tell Temari-sama! I beg you, Shikamaru-sama. I will find her, please just give me time!"

Shikamaru didn't know whether he should laugh or cry. While his wife had definitely grown out of her fiery temper as she settled into married life, she held a fierce protectiveness over their daughter, and her explosive anger often made a comeback whenever Chiyo's wellbeing came into concern - which was often, as the girl had a knack for getting into trouble - much to the exasperation of her caretaker Akari. Shikamaru felt sorry for the young woman. Akari was a nice girl, and he could tell that she truly cared for Chiyo. If only his daughter was less troublesome.

"It's okay. I won't tell her. Anyway, Temari's brothers are in town, so she probably won't be back anytime soon." Shikamaru ran a hand through his hair, hoping it would lessen the headache that was beginning to build. "Where did you last see Chiyo?"

Akari shifted her feet around awkwardly. "We've searched everywhere, but no one could find her. I thought she might have gone into the forest, but we can't go in there. We tried, though we can't get too far-"

"Because you are not of Nara blood," Shikamaru interrupted. "I understand." Rubbing his chin, he thought about the likelihood of Chiyo wandering into the forest. His children were forbidden from going near there, not because the woods were sinister in any way, but because of what - or _who_ \- they might find. His deer would recognize Chiyo as a Nara and protect her, but if she chanced upon _him_ \- oh Kami, Shikamaru prayed that his deepest fear would not come true.

"Akari-san, get the servants to sweep through the compound one more time. I'll head into the woods myself."

Akari bowed once more as Shikamaru leaped into the air, jumping over the roof and disappearing in the direction of the Nara Forest. _Please,_ she prayed, _please let Hime-sama be found, safe and sound, before Temari-sama returns._

But although her prayer was eventually answered, for little Chiyo was indeed found safe and sound, Fate had already played her cards, and Chiyo's life would never be the same again.

* * *

Hidan had lost track of the days. At first he had tried to count the seconds and the minutes, hoping that someone would appear soon enough and free him from the dark grave that he was trapped in - _damn that fucking pineapple head for doing this to him_ \- but as the hours and days and months went by in undisturbed silence, he gave in to the realization that nobody was coming. He had been abandoned, and more horrifyingly, been forgotten.

For someone who thrived on recognition and attention, it was one big _fucking_ mess.

The only comfort Hidan had was the fact that he still had Jashin. Lord Jashin hadn't given up on him - the very fact that he was still alive was a testament to that. And so, he waited. Something would happen sooner or later, the earth would break, or someone would dig him out, and he would get out of this shithole and sacrifice that fucking pineapple head to his Lord. After all, he had the whole eternity to wait, all thanks to the sweet gift of immortality from Lord Jashin.

Except that he hadn't. Hidan couldn't pinpoint the exact moment the realization hit him, but it soon occurred to him that what was left of his organs were failing him one by one. His sight and hearing were weakening day by day - not that either of those mattered in the perpetual darkness and silence he was buried in - but still, it made him feel something he had not felt in a long time.

Fear.

It had been too long. Too long without a sacrifice to his god, and the lord had grown impatient. Lord Jashin had given up on him, and he finally gave in to the truth that he had been ignoring for far too long - he was never getting out. His immortality was fading bit by bit. He was _dying_.

Hidan spent the little bit of energy he had left laughing himself into oblivion. Dying. He was dying. He - the holiest follower of Jashin who had survived the past few months as a fucking detached head - was dying. Really dying, abandoned and forgotten by comrades and God alike. Absolutely fucking fantastic.

The concept of mortality had become very blurry to Hidan. It had been too long since he first embraced the way of Jashinism and felt the sweet metallic ecstasy of mindless bloodthirst, and he no longer remembered how mortality worked. As each breath became more labored than the last, Hidan fought hard to hang on to the last threads of hope that he could somehow survive. He needed something to sustain himself, food and water, but all he had around him were darkness and rocks and the smell of decay from his own abandoned pieces. Was this the end? No, he had to survive. Jashin had given up on him, but he would not give up on himself. He needed to survive, and only then could he get out of here and take his revenge, and then Jashin would love him once more.

Hidan vaguely remembered that a piece of his leg had been slowly rotting away somewhere near his face. Shifting himself as best as a detached head could, he inched slowly towards the position of the leg and took a hesitant bite. He tasted like shit and it kind of hurt, for he had expected a holy being like himself to taste _heavenly_, but there was no other choice. Hidan slowly bit away at his own detached limb, hoping that enough nutrients could be absorbed through his chewing to sustain himself. How much leg would it take to keep a head alive? Hidan couldn't tell. He never was much of a science person; it was disrespectful towards his religion.

Nevertheless, it worked. Hidan felt slightly energized after his gruesome meal, and as much as it disgusted him to be consuming his own rotting flesh, the need to stay alive and sacrifice pineapple head to Jashin to prove his worthiness for the Lord's cause triumphed over all other considerations. One day, he would get out of here. He would not let Jashin down again.

Every day, Hidan prayed. _Jashin-sama_, he would call out in his mind, _if you hear me, please send me a sign, an angel or something. Please let someone find me, please, _he would beg_. _While he wasn't too sure if a god like Jashin even had angels, it didn't hurt to ask. Hell, never mind angels, he'd be fucking grateful if _anyone_ could just find him and get him out of this shithole - he might even consider not sacrificing them immediately.

And so he fell into an uncomfortable rhythm - chomp on some legs, and spend the rest of his hours praying. By the time Jashin finally decided to answer his prayers, Hidan had run out of hope and legs alike and was seriously considering ways for a detached head to die without prolonged suffering.

He wasn't sure how he realized that someone was coming, considering that he was literally six feet underground, but a moment came and he just knew (all hail the powers of Lord Jashin). Something told him to scream at the top of his lungs, and so he did.

"Help," Hidan shouted. "Whoever's out there, get me the motherfuck out of here!"

Silence greeted him, but Hidan wasn't ready to give up. Jashin had blessed him with a moment of heavenly recognition; there must be someone out there, he was sure of it. He screamed and screamed until whatever that was left of his throat was hoarse and numb, and when the silence dragged on, he screamed some more in frustration, letting out a string of expletives that Jashin definitely would not have approved.

"Motherfucking goddamned cocksucking shithead son of an ass-eating bitch-"

The earth above him suddenly shifted, causing Hidan to pause his swearing in surprise. The rocks shook lightly as if someone was trying to lift them all at once, and Hidan watched with an indescribable mixture of hope and relief as the shaking slowly increased in intensity. With one last jerk, the rocks flew off of him altogether, and Hidan squeezed his eyes shut at the sudden rush of sunlight in his face. He also had to shut his eyes to hide the tears that were threatening to overflow because _oh my fucking god freedom finally _and_ fuck yes no more chewing on legs, _but his savior - whoever that was - did not have to know that bad boys like Hidan had the ability to cry.

The sunlight that pooled around him was orange and gold, signaling the onset of evening, and the figure that had rescued him from his living hell stood at the edge of the concave ground, staring down at him in curiosity. It was shrouded in soft, golden light, giving it the illusion of bearing a halo, and when Hidan opened his eyes he was sure that he had just seen an angel.

A young girl stood above him, head tilted as she considered his form - or lack thereof. She couldn't have been more than four or five, and Hidan looked around to see if there was anyone else. Such a young kid couldn't have moved all those rocks away by herself, could she? But there was no one else, and Hidan fixed his purple gaze back on the girl. Though her face was shrouded by long wisps of dark bangs, he could tell that she had large teal eyes and sharp exotic features, the kind that made her look like she grew up somewhere hot and sandy. But at the same time, she was rather pale and carried an air of refinement commonly seen in the spoiled brats of rich noble civilians. Hidan would know; he had kidnapped quite a number of those for ransom during his Akatsuki days.

Though the kid was too young to be relatable to him in any way, Hidan had a strong feeling that he had seen her somewhere before. He scanned her lilac kimono for a clan symbol but found no such marking. Strange, he had definitely seen a face like that somewhere before.

The girl should be afraid, seeing a living head staring back at her amidst a pile of body parts in various stages of decay, but she didn't scream or avert her eyes and only continued to regard him with marked interest. She tilted her head, her high ponytail swaying in the wind, and opened her mouth. Her voice jingled like bells on heaven's gate, and Hidan was sure Jashin favored him all over again.

"What is a motherfuck?"

Hidan knew, he just knew. She was definitely an angel, his salvation, Jashin's cherub, sent from His holy side to save him from damnation. Jashin had heard his prayers, and he had sent him this girl. Jashin was real, Jashin was true. All bless Lord Jashin.

In the years to come, Hidan would come to learn that the line between salvation and damnation was very thin indeed, but for now, all he wanted was to get out of the damned hole, and all Chiyo Nara wanted was to know what "motherfuck" meant. But both would soon get more than they had ever bargained for, because fate is a motherfucking goddamned cocksucking shithead son of an ass-eating bitch.

_To be continued..._

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Please let me know what you think! I'd love to see some reviews :) I'm also looking for a beta so please let me know if you'd like to work together.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the love! I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the reviews. Your encouragement really keeps me going. My apologies for the late upload. This went through some really heavy editing, and I didn't want to put anything up here unless it is 100% perfect.

Guest brought up the issue of Hidan's age, and let's just make it clear that I have no intention of making him a pedophile. If you want a hint of what's to come, read my bio, or don't, especially if you like surprises. Anyway, let's just get on with the story.

* * *

**Fix Me**

_by corynzella_

_"Clever as the Devil and twice as pretty." - Holly Black_

When Shikamaru was four, his mother threw a frying pan at his father's head because he had been too engrossed in a game of Shoji to hear her calls for dinner. His father had only smiled sheepishly despite the red and angry bump that was slowly forming between his eyebrows, and Shikamaru decided that women were the scariest beings to ever exist on the planet.

When Shikamaru was eight, his mother threw a slipper at him after finding out that he had skipped school to take a nap on the roof. Rubbing the slipper-shaped mark on his bruised cheek, Shikamaru made a promise to himself that he would never make the same mistake his dad did and would steer clear of such scary and troublesome women in the future. What a drag.

When Shikamaru was twelve, he was pitched against a loud and bothersome girl from Suna for his Chunin exam. He wasn't particularly interested in fighting a troublesome woman so he quickly surrendered and ended the match, but not before noticing that she was a rather good strategist and would have probably won against anybody else with an IQ lower than 200. He also noticed that she had rather nice eyes. But still, she was scary and troublesome, and he definitely wanted nothing to do with her. She'd be such a drag.

When Shikamaru was thirteen, the same scary and troublesome girl came to his rescue when he was getting his ass kicked by a Sound kunoichi. While she appeared even scarier after murdering the girl without a thought, Shikamaru couldn't take his eyes off of her smile. She was at once the most beautiful and most terrifying being he had ever seen. But well, still a drag.

When Shikamaru was sixteen, his good friend Naruto snuck upon him while he was out with Temari and asked if they were secretly dating. The question set off an unsolvable chain of problems in his mind. Did he like her, or did he just like her as a friend? Did she like him? Could she like him? In the end, Shikamaru decided that it was too troublesome to think about useless stuff like this because it was such a drag. He should stay away from scary women to avoid becoming whipped like his dad. Yes, he definitely would not ever like her. She was such a drag.

When Shikamaru was eighteen, he watched Temari dance around the battlefield, saw the way her teal eyes shone with fearless determination and realized that he had been in love with her all along.

Ah, what a drag.

Now at twenty-one, Shikamaru trembled with nervous happiness as a nurse spread some gel onto his wife's protruding belly and prepared her for her first ultrasound. At last, they could finally catch a glimpse of their baby. Shikamaru was confident that they were going to have a son. The Nara Clan had always produced one single heir for as long as anyone could remember, and all along it had always been one single boy, like Shikamaru and his dad and the ancestors before them. Moreover, Shikamaru wasn't sure whether he could handle the presence of another scary female in his household. A son would be enough, he really didn't need a-

"Congratulations! You are having twins, a son and a daughter!"

"DAUGHTER?!"

What a drag.

* * *

Nara Chiyo grew up under the stress of a whole lot of expectations. While her brother Shikadai spent his days training hard to become the wonderful Nara heir, she spent most of her time getting tutored on culture and etiquette because she was the wonderful Nara spare - and a female one at that. Her parents loved her, and her many uncles and aunties adored her, but the Nara elders were a whole different story.

"Your son will start his training in the Hiden soon. But this daughter will not," they had told Shikamaru and Temari shortly after the twins' second birthday. "When she grows she will be marrying out of the clan, and her child will not be a Nara. We cannot afford to let our secret techniques leak outside of the main clan. It will become less effective if there are too many wielders."

The blatant chauvinism had immediately triggered Temari's fiery temper. She felt a strong urge to blow the old men in front of her away into the desert, and would have done so had she not felt Shikamaru's hand snake around her wrist. _Don't_, her husband tried to tell her, _I will seek out a compromise_.

Temari had absolutely no faith in Shikamaru's ability to seek out any compromise. "Who said Chiyo will be marrying out of the clan? With her background, guys will be dying to marry in. And who said she will have to marry at all? My daughter will be doing anything she wants to do and learning everything she wants to learn. Come on, which century is it already?"

The leading elder sighed and shook his head. "You should know full well that a noble young lady's fate will not be up to herself to decide. Maintaining peace between villages has been the priority all these years, and we recently received the Mist Daimyo's request for Chiyo to marry his grandson when they are grown. I'm sure there will be more of such requests to come, and when Chiyo reaches the agreeable age she will choose one of them. We are undeniably one of the most prestigious families in Konoha, and we need to make sacrifices for our nation."

Temari opened her mouth to argue, but the elder cut her off again. "Please, Temari-san. We have already made enough changes for you. Is it not good enough that we allowed your daughter to be named by the Kazekage at your request instead of following our own traditions? Some things are necessary. The girl can still train in non-Hiden related techniques, and I'm sure she will excel given her bloodline. Don't make things a problem."

With that, the elders had left, and Shikamaru had to sleep on the couch for a whole month because he never managed to find a compromise. When the children reached training age, Shikadai received a stack of scrolls to read regarding the Nara Hiden, and Chiyo received a miniature version of her mother's fan. She could learn ninjutsu under the condition that she continued her etiquette and cultural training so she could still become a perfect and knowledgable wife when the time came. But Chiyo was a fast learner and an efficient reader, and when the material assigned to her became mundane and boring, she decided that she should strive for more.

While most things were shared equally between the twins, Shikadai had some scrolls in his room that Chiyo didn't have. _Boy things you won't be interested in_, her father had told her when she had asked what the scrolls contained, but four-year-old Chiyo was already too smart to be bluffed like that. Boy things sounded interesting, an exciting change from the history and art and music that she had to study, and little Chiyo decided that she would check it out.

After her sitter Akari had tucked her into bed that night, Chiyo waited until the whole house was quiet before tiptoeing down the corridor into her brother's room. The sliding door creaked when it opened, and Chiyo held her breath as she waited for a confirmation that Shikadai was still asleep. Soon, her brother's contented snoring returned to resonate around the room, and Chiyo sighed in relief before ducking her head low and creeping towards the bag of scrolls thrown haphazardly at the foot of Shikadai's bed. She grabbed one and lifted it towards a crack of light between the curtains so she could make out the words, and her eyes widened in delight. _Nara Hiden?_ Interesting. She didn't understand why her family would keep this from her, but she would read, and then she would practice somewhere far from the compound so she wouldn't get caught.

* * *

The next day, Chiyo initiated a game of hide-and-seek with Shikadai and Akari. Much to the surprise of both, the stubborn girl who usually insisted on being the one hiding now demanded to be the seeker. Neither thought much about it, and Shikadai, in particular, was quite glad for the rare opportunity to be the one hiding instead, for he had usually given in to the demands of his younger sister. The pair happily went into hiding, not realizing that the little girl they were leaving behind would soon have her life turned completely upside down.

The moment her brother and caretaker disappeared from view, Chiyo dashed out of the compound and rushed towards the forest. The paths that would usually be busy with servants were surprisingly empty, and it almost felt like some deity was secretly helping to clear her way. She had to hurry - she had about an hour before they realized that she was really not coming to look for them, and there were so many Jutsu in the scrolls that she wanted to try!

The Nara forest had a life of its own; while strangers would feel intense fear the moment they stepped within its boundaries and feel an overwhelming need to get out, the woods welcomed the little girl into its depths with open arms. Chiyo skipped along the fallen leaves lining the path and looked for a clearing where she could practice her Jutsu in peace. It was the middle of summer and the trees were dense, but Chiyo suddenly noticed a brightly-lit patch of land not far from where she was heading. It looked like something had hit the earth and created a crater, for a large patch of concave ground stood right in the middle of the trees, creating some kind of clearing. Chiyo thought about the events in her history books that might have caused this hole and wondered if it was a paw mark left behind by the Nine-Tails.

But could paw prints talk? She was sure she had just heard some strange muttering coming from below the broken rocks.

"Motherfuck... damned... sucking... ass-eating bitch!"

What? Chiyo was confused. They sounded like the big bad forbidden words her parents sometimes muttered when they were really angry at each other, but she had never heard such strange combinations before. What was happening under the rocks? Maybe someone was trapped? Well, no harm trying to move the rocks. After all, there was this particular Jutsu that she had really wanted to try, and it really befitted the situation.

Chiyo hopped to a position where her shadow would be the longest and focused on injecting her chakra into the shadows. The scroll had said to focus on turning the incorporeal shadows into something material which can be manipulated by will, and she focused on just that, trying to visualize her shadows becoming so infused with chakra that they become malleable like plasticine. Slowly, the dark patch below her body began to shift, twisting and stretching into long and thin tendrils that began creeping towards the rocks in the crater. Chiyo grinned; once her shadow was safely attached to the rocks, she would yank all of them off and the mystery of the talking paw print would be revealed.

But that was easier said than done. Although she had succeeded in merging her shadows with those of the rocks, lifting them up was a different story altogether. Chiyo found that her shadow did not have sufficient strength, and the rocks only managed to shake feebly despite her efforts. She huffed in frustration. The voice from within the ground had gone silent. Had they died? Chiyo hoped not. The books she read about the Ninja World War had made her detest death and war, and she really didn't want the mysterious living paw print to die on her watch.

Chiyo grabbed the small fan tied to the belt on her purple kimono. She might be a newbie when it came to shadow manipulation, but she had definitely mastered a thing or two regarding wind release after a whole year of practice with her mother. Maybe she should link the two together. Maybe then things would work.

Whipping out the fan, Chiyo once again tried to link her shadow with the darkened ground surrounding the rocks. Her shadow climbed into the gaps between the jagged rocks, enveloping them completely to form one black blob. Chiyo nodded in approval at her work. Now she just needed to hold it together while she used her wind Jutsu to blow the whole mess away. Using her left hand to maintain the hand sign, she swung her fan towards the pile of rocks, directing the chakra infused wind forward to do her biddings.

There was a thunderous crack, and a cloud of dust rushed out of the crater, knocking Chiyo back and blocking her vision. When the smoke cleared she hurried to the edge of the hole, now even bigger than before, to see if the source of the muttering had been revealed. She knew that her plan had worked, but she needed to see for herself to know.

It was a grotesque sight, to say the least. A bunch of dried out body parts littered the pit, surrounding what looked like a sunken beach ball. Chiyo frowned. She hadn't really seen a dead body before, but this level of dismemberment made it quite clear that the owner of the body parts was as dead as a person could be. But where had the muttering come from? She shuddered. Was there a ghost?

And then the beach ball moved, and Chiyo realized it was a human head. Well, it used to be one. Now it resembled a skeleton with its hollowness. A few strands of long white hair grew from the top of the head, and a few more strands from the bottom. The rest of the person's hair seemed to have dropped off, so overall the head looked rather comical and sad at the same time. Chiyo grew up around pretty things, and this was probably the ugliest thing she had ever seen. It was intriguing. How could a head be alive? She would have to read more books later to find the answer.

Large magenta eyes blinked from the detached skull. Chiyo tilted her head and wondered how this person would have looked when they weren't just a detached and malnourished head. Could the head really talk? Would it answer her questions? Would it let her know what a 'motherfuck' is?

"Oh, for fuck's sake, you're an angel, right? Don't be so fucking useless. Just get me out of here and fix me back or something!"

Oh, it could talk.

Chiyo considered her options. She could bring the head back, but it would raise so many questions. After all, this person must have done some pretty bad things to be trapped under a pile of rocks in a forest that only her clansman could enter. Her father would probably disapprove, but she'd just found out that he had been keeping a whole tome of secret Jutsu from her, so he kind of deserved it. Well, it would have to be a secret, but where would she keep it? What if it died on her? Would she have to bring it back here? But then again, it could talk, so it would be able to answer most of her questions. But first of all-

"What is a motherfuck?"

Over time, Hidan would answer that and so much more. In fact, "motherfuck" was all that he repeatedly muttered as Chiyo forcefully stuffed his head into a big hollowed-out Teddy bear to hide his presence from her family. As he sat on her nightstand later that night, gazing out at his savior's sleeping form through the holes in the bear's fabric and trying not to choke on the bits of cotton surrounding his head, he wondered if Jashin-sama had really done him a favor after all. First of all, he had found out that she was the unholy offspring of the pineapple head - _how the fuck did he find a chick to reproduce with_ \- and secondly she had stuffed him into this big ugly unholy toy and gagged his mouth to make sure he wouldn't make a noise. Such blasphemous behavior! It was definitely no way to treat one of Jashin's own.

But then again, she did stuff two soldier pills under his tongue before she went to bed, so there was no way he could die of malnourishment now. Pretty impressive knowledge for a little kid. In fact, Hidan could even feel his facial features regenerating. Very soon, he would be back to his handsome self, all thanks to the sweet gift of immortality from Lord Jashin. Now that he was safe, he just needed to wait for the kid to grow up. She was Jashin's angel, and she would lead him to sweet violent glory again. Jashin had a plan for him; he was sure of it.

And he was wrong.

_To be continued..._

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I'm so sorry if this chapter is not what you expected :( Feel free to drop some feedback so I can make it better! Not much action here because it's mostly backstory and not much Hidan too but fret not because the exciting parts are coming soon. Let's just hope I don't take three weeks to squeeze out something worthy again. In the meantime, I'd love to see your feedback and reviews. I really do take all of them into consideration when I plan my stories. Still looking for a beta to make this story better so feel free to drop me a message too :)


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